Have you ever done something that felt good and then you felt bad about it afterwards? I woke up at 4am the other morning, and may I just mention it was a freezing winter's morning and the very last thing I wanted was to be awake.  But there I was, having made the startling discovery of just how far down the road of feeling-bad-about-feeling-good I had meandered, completely unaware.

A coaching client and I had been discussing guilt and I honestly thought we were talking about her. It was quite a surprise to realize we were also talking about me! Years of watching my weight mean that no matter what I weigh, I feel slightly guilty about every delicious and oh-so-naughty treat I indulge in. Rising expenses mean that spoiling myself with a facial or new clothing comes with a vague sense of unease, a question mark as to whether I am doing some thing good or something bad. It is this question mark that causes the trouble.

The age of information can have us bouncing up and down like a ping-pong ball with all the opinions available at our fingertips: soya, eggs, parabens, to name a few of the more contentious issues. After a while of doubting the goodness or badness of our actions, many of us start to skip the phase of feeling good and go straight to the feeling bad or guilty. Before we know it, we are going through the motions but there is little joy left in our lives.

Obviously the ideal approach would be to simply stop feeling bad about good things. However, to cut a long and unsuccessful story short, let's just say that's not as easy as it sounds. The thing about feeling bad is that it becomes a habit, and habits are like… well, think 'Colorado River carving the Grand Canyon', except in our neural pathways. Changing direction is like trying to change the course of history.

So I came up with a Plan B and here it is. Start by becoming aware of this pattern of thinking within you. When you catch yourselves spoiling a moment of pleasure with guilt, ask yourself whether feeling bad is making you happy or not? Then do what makes you happy. Once you are happy, start sharing that happiness with the world because remember, you have to have it, to give it!