Sunday, 14 May 2017 08:48

Happy Ending... Not!

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If a man cannot understand the beauty of life,
it is probably because life never understood the beauty in him.
Criss Jami

According to a Facebook quizz, I have a very female brain. I kind of knew that anyway but it’s always good to get confirmation from such a reliable source! Generally speaking, directions work best for me when they include landmarks, particularly shopping related buildings. What doesn’t work at all, is distance. The GPS telling me to turn in 500m has caused more havoc than it’s worth. Honestly, who knew 500m was so far!

On top of that, I am an absolute sucker for happy endings in movies and books. I don’t mind shedding a few tears on the way to the happy ending, it’s just really, really important that it all ends well.

Of course, when it comes to real life, things don’t always pan out quite so neatly. In fact, more often than not, we find ourselves dealing with anything from, ‘not-so-happy endings’, to downright horrible ones. So how can we cultivate a more peaceful acceptance of the harsher realities of life?

One of the first steps in the process of finding peace with the difficulties we face is clearly identifying the problem. We need a good diagnosis to find the right remedy for what ails us. Knowing fully what we are dealing with greatly enhances our ability to problem solve effectively. It’s a critical step that is all too easily overlooked.

For many people, doing something, anything, to fix a problem is easier than being stuck in the awful limbo of no man’s land. To alleviate the discomfort, we tend to jump into taking action. Unfortunately, without clearly understanding the underlying causes and dynamics of a situation, it’s easy to do more harm than good.

The truth is, our initial impression of our experiences are not always accurate or trustworthy. While getting moving may be motivating and reduce the fear of the unknown, it can also strain our financial and emotional resources and waste time that could be better spent elsewhere.

Once we clearly understand a situation we can begin the process of brainstorming options. What can I do now? What is the next step? How else can I approach this? The trick here is to come up with at least four to five options of what you could possibly do.

Now that you have a few ideas to work with, assessing each option for feasibility is a natural progression. Take into account the resources available to you, your emotional and physical strength and any financial implications of each option. Voila! You are now equipped to make a sound decision, one that is much more likely to bring with it a sense of inner peacefulness.

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Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching

I'm a Personal Development Life Coach who specialises in L.I.F.E (Living Into your Fullest Expression). Based in Richards Bay, on the East Coast of South Africa, I live with my long-suffering husband, (his description!), two much-loved dogs and care for my elderly father who has Alzheimer's.

Read more about me here.

Comments  

# Lindsey London Mumma 2017-05-25 17:48
For me i always like to look at the situation at hand, asses why it has happened and what I need to do to recitfy the problem
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-30 20:17
That sounds like a good way to approach problems, Lindsey, good for you!
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# Britta 2017-05-24 10:59
This is a very insightful post. I agree with you - identifying the problem has to be the first step. I often have this argument with my husband - I just want to talk about the way I feel to get to grips with what is wrong and he is already suggesting 100 different solutions ... haha. I think that is probably his very male brain trying to problem-solve!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-30 20:18
I so get this, Britta. The different languages of men and women and quite something to get the hang of in marriages. I must admit, it took my husband and I a few years to rub those rough edges off!
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# dana vento 2017-05-18 05:41
This is really fascinating! It is more likely about the people who stuck permanently in the wrong road. I am going to share this with my friends.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-18 06:59
I'd appreciate the share, thanks, Dana!
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# frank 2017-05-18 00:13
well said my friend, what you just said is so right and couldnt disagree in anyways.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-18 06:58
Thanks, Frank!
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# Dana Vento 2017-05-18 00:05
All problems have solution and its just up to us how to find them. This is motivational!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-18 06:59
Beautifully summed up!
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# Eloise 2017-05-17 21:08
I know all about this! I have had a heck of a time these past few years with many hard times, and I know that finding that inner peace is of great value. You're right! the only way to move on and focus on the good is to understand the situation and accept it and then evaluate what you can do to make the most of it. I don't believe in bad endings because life is full of both hard times and good times, it's up to us to focus on the good so when our time is done (ending of us on earth) we've lived a happy life overall!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-18 06:58
When we really face those unfixable difficulties, which is sounds as if you have faced, Eloise, it changes our view of the world and our place in it. If we are lucky we learn to accept what we cannot change. At the end of the day, that is a huge part of living a happy life.
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# Rahul Khurana 2017-05-17 16:09
I like reading articles like these which present the human thought. I think each person has a different way of solving things and looking at them. Experiences and our decisions define our personality. Great read. :)
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-18 06:53
Thanks, Rahul. I think that we run into difficulties when we forget how unique we are, We start trying to fit in and lose sight of what we are capable of.
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# Kristen 2017-05-17 14:37
I am always trying to find the quick fix to a problem. But with jumping right in I often make it more difficult than necessary. I like when you write first impression of our experience is not always accurate. This I have experienced first hand! I need to analyze and understand the problem before I can fix the problem!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-17 15:18
Yep, that has certainly been my experience, Kristen, I am also one of those people who react first and think afterwards. Busy working on it!
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# Kathryn Maher 2017-05-16 23:18
Yes in hindsight its easy to make judgements about particular situations we could have handled better had we known what we know now.........How ever life rarely gives us a second chance to do the best we can in a particular situation...... .taking some time to reflect before acting upon a decision can make all the difference . X
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-17 15:17
It is amazing how much better we handle situations when mulling over them in our heads, long after the time has passed! Doing more of that in the moment really is a good way to go.
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# Emily 2017-05-16 22:13
love this post! I definitely have a "female brain" too haha
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-17 15:15
Thanks, Emily.
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# lex 2017-05-16 18:22
always good to have that good finish as its where the real deal is, sometimes we are quick to conclude on things, like mum says to me, the end or bottom of the pot is always where the sweetest part of every meal resides. nice post Tania, been a while i stopped by...
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-17 15:15
Oh, what a lovely saying from your mom. Nice to see you again, Lex.
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# Jacqueline 2017-05-16 15:07
Always a pleasure to read your posts. We can all take away good advice from this. It's not the destination in life it's the journey right? But life has a way of throwing pebbles on the road forcing you to stop, and perhaps take another route.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-17 15:14
Thanks, Jacqueline. I love the way you described it. Lol, the perfect way to travel, but not always so easy to put into practice!
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# Elizabeth O. 2017-05-16 14:16
It's really important the we find out the cause of the problem or issue so that we know how to solve it properly. The proper understanding of any problem makes it easier to solve. We won't feel overwhelmed or we won't panic either.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-16 14:34
Well said, Elizabeth. It really does make a huge difference to take a moment to think things through before taking action.
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# Elena 2017-05-16 12:24
You are completely right. I always jump into conclusions and then I start overthinking. Gosh I need to change that stat!!!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-16 14:33
Lol, Elena, stat has got to be the best word ever!
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# Ravi 2017-05-16 07:58
First impression may not always be the last one. Although, it can have it's own impact.Good quotes.!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-16 14:32
First impressions can really have a lasting impact. Very unfortunate if the impression is a bad one!
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# Prateek Goel 2017-05-16 07:06
Haha.. nice starting line.. "According to a Facebook quizz, I have a very female brain".
You are right people find it easy to fix any problem but never like to get stuck at no man's land. I too had GPS
Nice post.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-16 07:44
Those silly quizzes are my weakness!
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# Mary Burris 2017-05-16 03:55
Jumping to Conclusions was my fitness plan for quite some time. I've since learned to slow down and take a closer look at the real situation. Hopefully it's true what they say.. with age comes wisdom.

~Mary
Jingle Jangle Jungle
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-16 07:45
Lol, that is too funny! What a way to keep fit and we all do it...
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# heidi 2017-05-16 01:29
Oh completely agree that we run to the quick fix!! I call it our fast food mentality. I don't know that I have a female brain honestly I have been accused of the opposite but I do like to know the whys and love a self-help book
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-16 07:46
Love it, fast food mentality! It is so true, we are addicted to instant gratification in all things. I remember a friend of mine saying, I don't know what I want, but I want it now!
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# Diane Hoffmaster 2017-05-15 23:08
I tend to be a very analytical person so decision making tends to be very methodical...wi th lists and bullet points. It is amazing how different people are in how they approach a problem!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-16 07:47
Oh good for you! I wish I was more methodical, I tend to launch myself in and think afterwards.
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# fivelittledoves 2017-05-15 22:45
You are so right! I am always someone who wants to solve a problem or make things better, and sometimes I jump into that and actually make a situation worse!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-16 07:49
It's the worst when that happens, isn't it! I have been making an effort to say, can I get back to you on that, and it helps buy me some time.
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# Ana De- Jesus 2017-05-15 20:39
Your right, sometimes I just jump into situations head first without taking the time to truly diagnose the situation and the consequences can be vast. Taking a step back and learning to analyze the situation is something I need to learn x
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-16 07:50
I'm getting better at it as I get older, so hang in there, there is hope for you!
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# ShopGirlAnonymous 2017-05-15 20:32
You are so right. Things are so much scarier when we don't understand them. On that same note they are much easier handle when we have a set guidelines. What a brilliant reminder of that, thank you.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-15 20:41
Thanks Jess, in my own life, understanding or at least trying to understand what is going on is often the biggest help of all.
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# Glory 2017-05-15 13:59
Carol, this are all good points. Will be sharing with my daughter who seems to be stuck in a cross roads. Hopefully with these steps she can analyze the situation and find a solution that works for her.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-15 20:38
I hope it gives your daughter a new way of looking at her situation. Sometimes if we can see things more clearly the next step becomes a bit more easily identified.
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# Carole 2017-05-14 16:30
It will always be alright in the end..... and if it isn't alright it isn't the end! (Marigold Hotel)
Just love this quote and your blog just brought it to mind! X
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-05-15 20:36
I love that quote, Carole! It has been known to strengthen my endurance at moments when it all feels too much.
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