Tuesday, 03 October 2017 05:08

I See You...

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Be kind. Kindness costs nothing. It need not be a grand gesture.
A simple smile while looking someone in the eyes as you pass in the hall.
Saying please and thank you. Acknowledging that the person in front of you exists.
David Ross Patient


Today, I’ve cancelled all appointments and I’m taking a mental health day. The last few months have been an emotional roller-coaster. Apart from the death of Kevin’s uncle in August, at the end of May 2014, my sister and I discovered we had an older brother who had been given up for adoption at birth. On the 22 September 2017, David died. Three years is a very short time to meet, get to know, and lose someone, especially the unique and extraordinary man our brother turned out to be.

At 7pm on Sunday night, Carte Blanche, a local TV programme, aired a tribute to David for the work he had done and the man he was. It was beautiful but watching it churned up so many emotions. David touched the lives of, and brought hope, to so many people and the outpouring of love for him has been incredible to witness.

At 7am the next morning, while walking the dogs, Colt got into a fight with two dogs that were running loose around the neighbourhood. To see our gentle giant turn into a vicious killing machine was horrific. With the help of two men walking past, we separated the dogs and I came home shaken, with Colt bleeding from his eye.

I had one hour before I had to leave for a business meeting in Ballito, an hour and a half drive away. The meeting could not easily be postponed. I needed training, the guys were only in the area for a week and my car was booked at the panel-beaters for the next five days. After taking some deep breaths, I called Kevin who came home to sort Colt out, reminded myself I can do hard things, got into my bashed up car and headed off. By the time I got home last night, after we’d collected Colt from the vet, I was truly and utterly exhausted.

The day after my brother died, a final update he had prepared before he died was posted, on his behalf, on Facebook. The quote from David at the beginning of this post ends with these words, ‘Be present with that person. The Zulu greeting is Sawubona and directly translated that means ‘I SEE YOU!’

Sometimes it’s not only other people we need to be present with. Sometimes we need to take a moment to sit with our own pain and breathe through it. It takes courage to witness heartbreak, whether it’s our own or that of someone else. But it is important, I see you is a very powerful phrase of acknowledgement. Sometimes just having our pain witnessed is all we need to give us the courage to endure it. Farewell, David. It’s been an epic journey.

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Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching

I'm a Personal Development Life Coach who specialises in L.I.F.E (Living Into your Fullest Expression). Based in Richards Bay, on the East Coast of South Africa, I live with my long-suffering husband, (his description!), two much-loved dogs and care for my elderly father who has Alzheimer's.

Read more about me here.

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Comments  

# Rahul Khurana 2017-10-09 18:19
Sorry to hear about it. You gotta be strong. You know what sometimes I too feel that our pain and struggle to be noticed by someone we like. That just vanishes the pain and gives relief and courage to fight. Great Post. :)
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-11-17 17:25
Thanks, Rahul, it does help somehow doesn't it!
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# Surekha 2017-10-09 17:57
I am so sorry for you loss Tania. I can only imagine the pain for able to know your brother after years and lose him within months. It is important that we let yourself to feel those emotions and live it because holding it back only makes it worst. Take care Tania
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-11-17 17:24
Thanks so much Surekha, your comment is such a thoughtful one, it has sone my heart good reading it.
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# whitepenph 2017-10-09 16:00
It is true that we need some time for ourselves to reflect on what we need. Too much pain in our hearts are harder than physical ache.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-09 16:13
So true, pain in our heart is pain just as much as physical pain is. Loved how you put that.
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# London Mumma 2017-10-09 11:39
I am truly sorry for your loss and pain, it is such a difficult time, but you are quite right, taking time out to deal with your own hurt is very important to over come it.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-09 16:15
It's incredible how being heard helps when we talk to someone who understands, Taking time to be with what is hurting, even just within ourselves, seems to have the same effect. At least it does for me!
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# Ellie Chan 2017-10-09 07:29
I'm so sorry for your loss! Sometimes we do need to sit down and allow ourselves to feel all those emotions and the grief, holding it in and pushing it down to "get on" with things isn't good and, as I discovered recently, that grief and Ghose emotions will eventually come out even years on from the event itself.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-09 07:51
You are so right, Ellie. Putting it off really only does that, put it off, it does not make the pain go away. Grief really is such a process but in going through it, something heals.
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# Kusum 2017-10-09 05:02
So sorry to for your loss, Tania! I can only imagine what you might be going through, sending you lots of good thoughts!

xx, Kusum | www.sveeteskapes.com
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-09 07:49
Received with thanks!
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# Dr. Karen Lee Banks 2017-10-09 04:41
I'm so sorry to hear you never knew about your brother, and then had such a short time with him. :-( But at the same time, how precious that time must have been! I'm also sorry to hear about your dog! We have 3 dogs and I empathize with how awful that situation must have been.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-09 07:49
Funnily enough, it was the dog incident that rattled me the most and made everything feel that much more overwhelming. Things are settling down again, much to my relief.
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# Nicole Anderson 2017-10-09 01:01
This is such a beautiful post and conveys so well what you must have (and still are) going through. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, and as tragic as losing him would have been, you were at least blessed to have got to know him. Best wishes to you.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-09 07:46
We were so blessed, Nicole, and its a real comfort to me that from the moment he appeared, we made the most of the time we had. Life really does hve some crazy twists and turns!
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# June 2017-10-08 09:32
I am sorry to hear about all this :( Stay strong. Take as much time as you need for yourself to cope.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-09 07:44
Thanks, June. I had a ten hour sleep last night and feel so much better for it!
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# Ali Rost 2017-10-08 08:41
I'm so, so, so very sorry Tania. I can't imagine how difficult all of this must have been for you. I've spent the past hour reading through your brother's site, and my goodness, what a story. His honesty is refreshing, and yet, hard to read all at the same time. My son started using hard drugs right around the time your brother did and, like him, they've made his life far more difficult than anyone would have hoped. I loved when he said that going cold-turkey was his greatest personal achievement. Take good care of your heart. x
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-09 07:44
What amazed me about my new brother was how he managed to turn his life around and do something so meaningful with it in the end. Going through that with your son? I honestly cannot imagine what that must have been like for you. But devastating is the word that comes to mind, Ali.
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# jhilmil 2017-10-07 03:50
A big loss and series of sad moments to read in this post. But so these moments make us strong to face the world of any challenges. We need people to see our pain and struggles, you were so true.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-07 07:03
So often we want to hide our pain, but people can be so amazing when you share what's going on with them.Not everyone, but enough people.
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# Neha Kulshrestha 2017-10-06 19:59
So sorry for your loss. I know it is tough to catch up.
And definitely we need some time for ourselves to delve into.
Take care

Safarnama @ www.travelwithanjali.com
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-07 07:04
We do, Neha, finding that internal balance is so important for the long haul.
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# Star harford 2017-10-06 15:42
Im really not surprised you needed to take a mental health day! You have been through so much lately. Im so sorry for the loss of your brother. Its great you found him and had those years to get to know him but it is never nice losing someone.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-06 19:07
Thanks Star, it really has been an incredible journey from so many perspectives.
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# Tiffany 2017-10-06 12:51
Tania this was such a great post. I'm very sorry to hear about your brother, and you were so accurate. Sometimes all we need is for individuals to see us and notice the pain that we're going through or the struggle we're dealing with.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-06 19:04
Thanks Tiffany. I really do find that someone noticing what I'm going through makes me feel cared for somehow.
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# twuss 2017-10-06 11:08
interesting read. deffo adds a different perspective onto things!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-10-06 19:02
Good to hear it.
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