Monday, 02 June 2014 10:55

S'tru Bru!

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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Philip K Dick

Every now and then, usually right after saying or doing the most stupid or embarrassing thing imaginable, there is a moment of unreality when the world stops and you feel that what is happening cannot possibly be happening? In moments like this, most of us need something we can trust.

Trust by definition is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something. It is something I have spent most of my adult life trying to figure out and maybe now is a good time to give you a heads up, it is not a question I will be answering in the 400 words of this blog post. I'm just saying!

As most of us with any sort of life experience know, doubt has a way of derailing even the staunches of our faiths. What interests me in coaching, is how so many of the people I work with, have either lost faith in themselves, or never had it in the first place.

Trust is earned and sadly, most of us have let ourselves down so often that even when we know we can do something, we don't always believe we will. Reversing that process is such a powerful part of coaching, one that takes much more than just words. Think smarmy salesman saying trust me, well, that ain't how it happens.

Trust and honourability go together. Building trust in yourself starts by honouring your word, fulfilling the commitments you have made. It requires taking responsibility for your mistakes and manning up to face the consequences. It is about speaking up when you don't like something and risking offending someone you want desperately to like you. It is learning to say no when you need to set a boundary, and resisting temptation when you are on a diet or cutting back on alcohol or TV.

Cultivating a longer term perspective of our life is a way of rebuilding trust. Seeing the bigger picture reminds us how connected we are to other people and the world. As you sip your tea, think of the soil, rain, sunshine, breeze, and many hands involved in picking and packaging the teabag. Think of the truck drivers and store owners, organisations, banks and numerous people involved in the simple enjoyment of a sip of your tea. It is that feeling of being part of something so much greater than ourselves that gives us courage to be greater than we are.

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Comments  

# Anwar 2016-09-14 06:42
think it's important that we overcome self doubt and shine like diamond by our god given ability
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-09-14 07:12
Beautifully put, Anwar, thanks for stopping by.
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# Bella 2016-09-02 03:08
Trust is such a tricky thing, so hard to gain and so easy to lose. It is important that we know and who to trust.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-09-02 05:03
The who to trust can be the hardest part, or at least that is what I have found, Bella. We naturally assume people are like us and it can be quite a shock to discover they aren't.
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# Fatima 2016-09-01 16:53
It is indeed very difficult to trust any person. It is therefore, important to build up trust to gain confidence in a person.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-09-02 05:02
Absolutely, Fatima. It's all about building it, slowly and steadily..
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# Mariesbeauties 2016-09-01 15:53
Trusting someone is really hard, I agree with you totally though, great post x
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-09-02 05:01
Thanks Marie, When we can trust, it certainly does enrich our lives.
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# bluedreamer27 2016-09-01 11:10
I really agree with this post... trust is really a huge thing that many people are afraid to carry. .. mainly because of their experiences too... when trust is broken, it takes time for someone to put it back into one piece.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-09-01 11:32
It does take time, bluedreamer, but it is so worth the effort!
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# Nina 2016-09-01 07:50
Oh trust in our own selves is the worst! I know that I can struggle with that at times. Although I will say that I find it when I start to think about my big move overseas to Spain in a few weeks. When I start to get nervous about life over there or making friends, I reassure myself that I always have a way of making things work. That for sure is trust in myself.

Nina
aworldofdresses.com
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-09-01 11:47
How exciting Nina, and yes, that inner sense that you have the resources you need to deal with happens is a sign of healthy self-trust. Good luck with your move, I hope it is the best thing ever for you!
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# lily 2016-08-31 21:36
I used to really struggle with trusting people as a child, that's become easier as I've aged, but it always takes a while.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-09-01 11:52
I'm so glad to hear it has improved for you Lily, life is quite difference when there is trust.
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# Tiina A 2016-08-31 21:03
i make plans very easily and see it all very clear but when I need to put it all in action i suddenly don't have much confident on myself. I need to learn trusting and believing myself. Wonderful post, Tania!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-09-01 11:51
Thanks so much Tiina. Somehow, when we go to put our thoughts into action, the truth comes out. I have found that one of the best ways to build that trust is by paying attention to everything you do and really acknowledging yourself fro your effort. We are often so critical of ourselves that we never even get started.
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# Her Own Beat 2016-08-31 20:57
I love this post! Many times, we sit there and criticize others for breaking our trust, but when is the last time we have reflected on our own trust. Once we rebuild that, our self-confidence will soar.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-09-01 11:35
Absolutely, and it is such an interesting reflection to do.
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# Imogen Clegg 2016-08-31 15:49
Trust can take a lifetime to earn and a second to break. And i think that trusting yourself can be the biggest challenge in life
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-08-31 16:07
I agree, Imogen, it is a huge challenge and we let ourselves down so often which doesn't help.
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# Katarzyna 2016-08-31 14:30
Trust is very hard to build and easy to break, but certainly we need to overcome our doubts and believe in ourselves in order to achieve great things in life. Sometimes you simply have to take a risk.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-08-31 16:08
Great attitude, Katarazyna, sometimes we do need to just leap with courage!
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# Amanda Love 2016-08-31 08:07
I think it's important that we overcome self doubt and we can do this by looking at the bigger picture. This is a great way to see how much we can contribute to the world.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-08-31 09:50
Good point, Amanda, when we expand our view to more than just ourselves, it's amazing what we are capable of.
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# lex 2016-08-31 04:27
trust is built by one and earned by one. it starts from within. thanks for this post.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-08-31 09:53
That has certainly been my experience as well, Lex.
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# Elizabeth O. 2016-08-31 03:34
Beautifully said. We often doubt our capabilities because we fail to see the bigger picture. It takes a lot of people to make one entire process work. We just have to trust ourselves that we can do better than what we're doing now.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-08-31 09:53
That is beautifully put, Elizabeth, trust that we can do better than what we are doing right now.
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# Liz Mays 2016-08-30 21:52
I think these are good points. Having/building trust in ourselves is something we should all work on. I think it has a lot to do with confidence.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-08-31 09:52
The two go hand in hand, Liz. I had a young client who was terribly shy and unable to even ask for something from a waiter in a restaurant. After building trust in herself, I now follow her travels around the world on Facebook! It is amazing what confidence can do.
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# MakeUp Fun 2016-08-30 11:02
I agree with your point of view. It's hard, though, to stick to your commitments, but we must be strong and be true to ourselves.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-08-30 11:14
It takes time. as well, especially after we have let ourselves down in some way.
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