The other day, while I was 'supposed' to be meditating, a brilliant idea for a blog post popped into my head. I was contemplating the difference one tiny letter can make; AN apology compared to NO apology.

Forgiveness sounds marvellous until that unforgivable thing happens and our good intentions fly out the window. It's even harder to forgive when we are wronged and no apology is forthcoming. Years can pass yet we stay stuck in angry thoughts, unable to let go or find peace. Sadly, a lack of apology can strain, compromise or even end a close relationship.

So what is it about the words, 'I'm sorry', that means so much? During one session of the coaching programme I offer, clients are given a list of questions to ask themselves. These questions are designed to help nudge people out of negative thinking patterns into more positive ones. One of the questions is, 'What can I acknowledge in myself today?'

It's a wonderful question that gives a clue to the power of a genuine, heartfelt apology. It also hints at why not receiving an apology is so painful. It's the lack of acknowledgement that cuts so deeply. But what if it is us that needs to apologize for what we have done? Apologies are thorny issues so how can we apologize in a way that creates an environment in which forgiveness can happen?

First up, acknowledge what you have done. It's about taking responsibility for our actions and facing up to the fact that we have hurt, upset or wronged someone. It helps to give a brief but truthful explanation for your behaviour, even if it is simply to say I  messed up, lost my mind, or just plain behaved badly!

Genuine remorse  for hurting someone is sometimes the best apology. Hearing that someone is sorry they hurt us can be a balm for a wounded soul. Beyond that, if there is any repair work to be done, then  do it or at least offer to do it. If you don't know what to do, ask, 'Is there something I can do to repair the damage I've done?'

And then stop talking and listen. Really listen to the answer and act on the suggestions. We will not always be able to forgive or be forgiven, but for many people, being heard and valued can heal the most raw of wounds. The final step is to acknowledge yourself for having the courage to take responsibility and admit your mistakes. Well done!