We all do it. Pretend. When asked how we are, even if we really aren't, we smile and say, 'Fine thanks'. It's just how things are done these days. Admitting you're not coping or that your life is a mess is just not on. We do it in other ways too. Someone shares some really awful news with us and we say things like, 'Don't worry, it will be fine” even when we don't know and unfortunately, maybe it won't.  
 
We could debate the merit, or lack thereof, of pretending to be happy when we are not but instead, what if we were to explore the dynamic of pretending? Simply put, do we know we are pretending? If we know, chances are we have good reason for it, it's when we don't know, when shame or denial are ruling the roost that we enter murky waters.
 
So why do YOU pretend? I have countless reasons. Sometimes it's my job. A few weeks ago, I received some bad news shortly before a new client arrived. I parked my feelings, pasted a welcoming smile on my face, focused on the client and got on with coaching. At other times, I just don't want to talk about what is going on and there's nothing wrong with choosing when, how and to whom we disclose our true feelings.  It's when we are pretending to avoid or escape the truth that we get ourselves into trouble.

Showing up emotionally is one of the bravest and most difficult acts of honesty. There is something about admitting pain and disappointment, even to ourselves, that is incredibly difficult to do. If we are sad, frustrated or disappointed and know it, we can deal with it in an appropriate manner. However, if we are feeling frustrated because we are avoiding sadness or disappointment, things can quickly spiral out of control. Emotions are complex and often frightening to ourselves and to others and the trick is to start reading the signs of our emotional language.

Authenticity is not about putting it out there all the time, it's about being genuine; being as we are, when we are. The key is to know how that is. Sometimes having the curiosity to simply ask yourself, 'What is really going on here?” can change the situation dramatically. At other times, pretending you are okay can help you discover you actually are okay. So why not give it a try? Let's pretend and see what happens!