Doing it Differently!
Believe it or not, but coaching clients have been known to turn up at sessions sheepishly admitting they haven’t done their homework. Shock! Horror! It’s a flashback to school days and quite stressful for many people.
At the start of my own coaching journey, I discovered a rather troublesome belief lurking in the recesses of my mind. It was driving my behaviour without me even realising it and ahem, it went like this. If is it not 100%, it’s useless. Lovely! That particular phrase pretty much sets me up for a lifetime of failure. I mean, honestly, how many things are ever 100% perfect?
During coaching, apart from uncovering your own personal arsenal of limiting beliefs, another area we address is challenging the idea that setbacks are a disaster. All or nothing thinking seems to be a universal quirk of human nature. When it comes to our own behaviour, if we mess up, we just know it’s because we are a mess and everything is hopeless.
As magnificent as our brains are, the whole clever mechanism has the tendency to be a teeny bit lazy. Kind of like water, our thoughts also follow the easiest route. The more you think in a certain way, the stronger the habit of thinking in that way becomes. Make an embarrassing mistake? Why, that’s irrefutable proof that you are a useless somebody who will never achieve anything. Get dumped? Proof that you are unlovable.
Should I continue? Nope, let’s not! Let’s not walk this old familiar route and instead try another option. Changing the pattern is all important. From my own experience, be warned, it takes a lot of effort to reroute the convoluted highway of habits in our heads.
In times of weakness, I instantly revert back to old, unhelpful patterns of thought. However, what has changed, and is still changing, is the awareness that this is not helpful. The moment I catch myself, I can choose an alternative approach.
Sometimes we are doing the best we can and we need to remind ourselves of that. In fact, a rather large obstacles to achievement is feeling overwhelmed before you start. Life is not school. Different rules apply. As Najwa Zebian reminds us, these mountains we are carrying, we were only supposed to climb.
Put those heavy burdens down, especially ones that are no longer relevant. We do not have to carry our mistakes, heartaches, fears and disappointments with us forever. Travel lighter. Be willing to try new things and see where a sense of freedom and choice takes you. Go on, surprise yourself! I bet you can.
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I'm a Personal Development Life Coach who specialises in L.I.F.E (Living Into your Fullest Expression). Based in Richards Bay, on the East Coast of South Africa, I live with my long-suffering husband, (his description!), two much-loved dogs and care for my elderly father who has Alzheimer's.
Read more about me here.