You may have noticed I recently updated my online profile photos. The universe gave me a nudge when three clients in a row commented that I looked nothing like the photo and suggested I re do it. It intrigued me to realise that the photo I had carefully chosen to paste all over the internet, looked nothing like me. How fascinating!

It's a sign we need to talk about self-image. Self-image is defined as the idea one has of one's abilities, appearance, and personality. Dr Dan Ariely, a Professor of Psychology and Behavioural Economics coined the phrase the 'fudge factor' in his documentary (Dis)Honesty - The Truth about Lies. According to Dr Ariely, human beings are torn between honesty and self protection. The fudge factor is the amount we can lie and still think of ourselves as being good, honest, virtuous people.

Generally speaking we lie, a lot, in tiny ways, but lying to ourselves is an interesting concept. Think about the nitty-gritty of it. You have to wonder, is it even possible? You know that feeling when you know you have done something 'bad', but if you don't acknowledge it, you can pretend it hasn't happened? In my own life, I've notice I avoid facing certain things, simple things like standing on the bathroom scale after a weekend of delicious food.

Confronting the truth about ourselves can feel devastating and is hard to do. The problem dates back to childhood. If our natural need for attention and appreciation was continuously frustrated, it triggers a self protection mechanism within us. We bury our anger and feelings of not being lovable or of being unworthy of love. While these feelings may be hidden, they are not forgotten and they drive our relationships and how we engage with the world.  We get trapped in this dynamic and it can be a painful and lonely experience that is hard to escape.

So how can we match our insides to our outsides? We start at the beginning. If it's possible to lie to ourselves, then it must also be possible to comfort ourselves. The lack of love and attention we experienced as a child, which caused this dynamic, is where we start. Give yourself the love and attention you need. Get curious about why you lie and question if there is another, healthier way to meet your need for love and attention. Basically, get out there and love yourself back to life!