When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Viktor E. Frankel
A client and I were chatting about life balance the other day. He told me about his holiday home where he and his family would go for weekends with the idea of getting away to relax and spend quality time together. Instead, what would happen is that he would be working on his computer, his wife would be cooking in the kitchen while his son was off doing his own thing. Basically they might as well have stayed at home!
At the end of the day, change is not about replacing one thing for another. Replacing a bad environment or habit with a different one, like replacing cakes and cookies for gluten free cakes and cookies, doesn't get to grips with what change is asking of us. Change is most definitely not about blaming and justifying why it's not our fault, why we can't possible do things differently. It's not even about changing jobs, cities, wives or husbands. At the end of the day, a change of scenery is not the same as a change of heart.
The core of life coaching is about taking responsibility for your life and yet it's a topic we cover some months into the coaching process, right towards the end. Why is that? Surely such a core issue should be addressed up front? Not necessarily. Taking personal and complete responsibility for your life is, as Viktor Frankel points out, about changing yourself. There is no greater challenge than that and it takes courage and a willingness to grow to get to that point.
Changing ourselves doesn't mean we don't ask for help when we need it. Whether it's employing someone to do a job we just can't get to, seeing a specialist or joining a weight-loss group, sometimes the very acknowledgement that we need assistance is the first step in taking responsibility. In it's essence, taking responsibility comes down to having the creativity, tenacity and strength of character to keep trying until we succeed.
Sometimes we have to completely revamp our thinking, we have to stretch ourselves to breaking point and endure all sorts of difficulties. At other times we just have to keep on going, one painstaking step at a time.
The thing about taking completely responsibility is that we stop blaming our parents, our children, our spouse or boss for holding us back. We do whatever it takes. We never give up on making our dreams a reality. WE change.
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