Friday, 02 October 2015 05:50

What Change Isn't!

Rate this item
(0 votes)
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Viktor E. Frankel

A client and I were chatting about life balance the other day. He told me about his holiday home where he and his family would go for weekends with the idea of getting away to relax and spend quality time together. Instead, what would happen is that he would be working on his computer, his wife would be cooking in the kitchen while his son was off doing his own thing. Basically they might as well have stayed at home!

At the end of the day, change is not about replacing one thing for another. Replacing a bad environment or habit with a different one, like replacing cakes and cookies for gluten free cakes and cookies, doesn't get to grips with what change is asking of us. Change is most definitely not about blaming and justifying why it's not our fault, why we can't possible do things differently. It's not even about changing jobs, cities, wives or husbands. At the end of the day, a change of scenery is not the same as a change of heart.

The core of life coaching is about taking responsibility for your life and yet it's a topic we cover some months into the coaching process, right towards the end. Why is that? Surely such a core issue should be addressed up front? Not necessarily. Taking personal and complete responsibility for your life is, as Viktor Frankel points out, about changing yourself. There is no greater challenge than that and it takes courage and a willingness to grow to get to that point.

Changing ourselves doesn't mean we don't ask for help when we need it. Whether it's employing someone to do a job we just can't get to, seeing a specialist or joining a weight-loss group, sometimes the very acknowledgement that we need assistance is the first step in taking responsibility. In it's essence, taking responsibility comes down to having the creativity, tenacity and strength of character to keep trying until we succeed.

Sometimes we have to completely revamp our thinking, we have to stretch ourselves to breaking point and endure all sorts of difficulties. At other times we  just have to keep on going, one painstaking step at a time.

The thing about taking completely responsibility is that we stop blaming our parents, our children, our spouse or boss for holding us back. We do whatever it takes. We never give up on making our dreams a reality. WE change.

Click here to receive updates via RSS:

Comments  

# Joanna 2016-10-28 14:18
Unfortunately, from my experience, asking for help means weakness and people will look at you as a victim if you do it. I do challenge myself but I don't ask for help... cause i Know I won't get it...
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-28 14:34
I do understanding what you are saying. That really can be the case with some people where asking for help becomes some kind of ammunition they use against you. Also asking for help and not getting it can be painfully disappointing, making it really hard to ask after a few experiences like that. Sadly, generosity is not a quality that everyone has.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Amanda Love 2016-10-27 06:22
We normally choose to settle for what we're used to and we just allow that to happen without doing anything to change the situation. It would be nice to try something different, stop hesitating and just go for it.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-27 06:54
Fear of change can keep us stuck for far too long, can't it Amanda? Most of the time, it turns out to be not as bad as we fear, or at least that has been my experience.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# suchi 2016-10-27 01:47
i so needed that today ... if you can't change the situation, sometime the situation changes you!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-27 06:52
In the midst of one of those myself at the moment. Sometimes, Suchi, it can be a really good thing!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Ma Belle Vie 2016-10-26 19:03
This post was perfect for me. Sometime I go through these funks that i can't get out of. Thanks!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-26 20:11
Those sticky funks are awful, Ma Belle Vie, sometimes we just have to ride it out and hope it passes quickly.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# EG III 2016-10-26 11:09
Great post. Change can, at times, require us to push ourselves into a place we've never before been...and we must be willing to make that journey.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-26 20:09
You are so rtight EG, those times when we resist the change that is already happening is the hardest. Willingness is key.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Jennifer L 2016-10-26 03:27
I love this post so much! It's important to keep ourselves accountable and not just stay in that blame everyone else mode.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-26 06:02
Well certainly not if we want to live a life with meaning!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Freya Farrington 2016-10-25 14:33
change is always easier said than done unfortunately but I totally agree, we can't put the blame, although I do believe social media and technology has a big part in the reference to husband wife and son each doing there own thing, that's 21st century life!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-25 20:10
Lol, Freya, I thought, working on our own computers at the same was quality time. Turns out it isn't. Who would have thought!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Elizabeth O. 2016-10-25 13:02
That's exactly what needs to happen. Instead of complaining and blaming people, it's so much better to do something about it. I'm sure his wife and child will appreciate it as well especially since it's going to bring them closer together.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-25 20:07
Actually Elizabeth, it is a sad story, the clients wife died not long afterwards. He changed a lot to be there for his son but it was a painful lesson in how fragile life is.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Marta Nightingale 2016-10-25 12:42
So true! Three years ago I left everything and started travelling hoping all my inner problems would disappear just by changing places. Though it seems so at first, when the first excitement faded, they all came back, just in a new context. Then I learnt it's me, my thinking, my habits and my fears I need to do deal with, not the context itself.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-25 20:05
Thank you so much for this example, Marta. If we deal with our stuff, we can be anywhere, if we don't, well that is a whole other story. Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Carrie 2016-10-25 12:10
You are so right! True change is hard. Taking responsibility for our actions is even harder. Once you do take responsibility it makes a world of a difference on how you live your life.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-25 20:03
I love the way you put it and in my own experiences, quick fixes don't last, it takes time to change.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Bella 2016-10-25 02:37
Pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone is difficult but so beneficial! I wish it was easier to do but thank you for the motivation.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-25 20:02
I second that, Bella. Why is the good stuff so hard? It is too unfair for words!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Sidney Aldaine 2016-10-25 02:34
And sometimes all it takes to change is to leave and come back later, with a new perspective.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-25 20:01
In fact, leaving is often what gives you a new perspective, which is interesting!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Liz Mays 2016-10-24 23:38
You make some good points. I can see how someone could make a lot of changes in their life without really addressing the things that really need change.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-25 20:00
Lol, I am a master at useless activity, Liz! It is so easy to keep busy doing nothing of value.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Jolina 2016-10-24 20:29
Amen to that! I moved continents and I find myself faced with the same issues. So yeah, I may be the problem I think lol. Change is never easy though. And you're right, it only happens if we're willing to take one painstaking step at a time.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-24 20:38
Oh dear, that is so what happens and man is it annoying.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Megan Ogden 2016-10-24 20:13
This is such a great point! I've never really grasped the idea of going to a coffee shop to work, unless you don't have wifi there. I'd find that more distracting lol
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-24 20:34
Excellent example! The problem, I suspect, is our immense ability to distract ourselves.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Ana De- Jesus 2016-10-24 19:54
I will never stop until I achieve my dreams even if it takes a lot of time. Its important to never give up.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-24 20:32
Good for you, Ana, may your wishes all come true!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Tiina A 2016-10-24 18:51
That's true! It's so easy to blame circumstances and difficult to take responsibility. I'm at that point that I definitely need to change myself - step by step.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-24 20:31
Best way to change is step by step and the first step is knowing that you need to. Sounds good to me!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# Renate 2016-10-24 12:58
"Sometimes we have to completely revamp our thinking, we have to stretch ourselves to breaking point and endure all sorts of difficulties. At other times we just have to keep on going, one painstaking step at a time." I should print this out and hang it on the wall!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-24 17:32
Lol, love it, thank you!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-06-24 16:52
Thanks for stopping by Angie, I'm glad it resonated with you.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# angie @ annies home 2016-06-24 15:48
oh so right I agree with you. We often play the blame game but when we start taking responsibilitie s of our own failures, problems and mistakes is when we truly do grow
come see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-06-24 13:48
Good point, Heidi, one that will make an excellent topic for a new blog post!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
# heidi williams 2016-06-24 13:29
So good and so in tune with what I am going through in my life. I think it is also important to remember it doesn't have to be all at once.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote

Add comment


Refresh