Thursday, 29 October 2015 17:20

Know Thyself!

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No man is the worse for knowing the worst of himself.
Thomas Fuller

My husband and I recently stayed overnight with my sister in Johannesburg. We were leaving at the crack of dawn the following morning and needed to refrigerate some groceries we had bought while visiting the shopping mecca of SA. Now, while Kevin excels at many things, waking up is ... well, just not his thing. I, on the other hand, wake up instantly chipper with a thousand thoughts flying around my head, albeit none of them particularly practical. Bottom line, the chances of us remembering the groceries were pretty slim.
 
As we packed our purchases into the fridge, we raised our eyebrows at each other and without saying a word, Kevin placed the car keys on top of the fridge. It was a foolproof reminder to our early morning selves that worked like a charm.

The beauty of knowing yourself, both strengths and weaknesses, is that in those places where you are not particularly strong, you can make life easier for yourself. Here's a question, when you mess up or do something embarrassing, do you try to help yourself? Or do you turn on yourself and berate or shame those tender parts that most need your support?

Coming to know ourselves must be approached with warmth and affection; a gentle, friendly curiosity about who we are. Self-acceptance is about welcoming all of you into your life, the crappy and the happy! It's about being as kind to the forgetful, insensitive or just plain nasty parts of yourself as you are to an unhappy child. When we see a mom struggling to deal with a child having a tantrum, we don't take it personally. Our hearts go out to both of them, we know how hard it is to be a parent and we empathise with the the heartbroken child. 

But do we do the same within ourselves? There are times we have to step up and be the parent in our own life, to take responsibility and say no firmly, without compromise. Maybe we have to delay gratification now for a longer term benefit later or make hard decisions in which we will have to live with the consequence.

So what kind of a parent are you to yourself? An angry one that shames and blames? Or a wise and kind source of guidance? Do you comfort yourself when you are upset, even when you are being unreasonable? Especially when you are being unreasonable? If not, now is a good time to start. You can change. You can do it differently. It is possible.

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Comments  

# Tiina A 2016-10-28 16:38
I know I can change and actually I have already going to that direction! Not easy and I feel it took years to learn to accept certain things and being gentle to myself.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-29 19:48
Good for you for learning to be more gentle and accepting. If you said it was easy, I suspect I would raise my eyebrow! It isn't.
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# Claudia 2016-10-28 03:08
Self-knowledge and self-acceptance are truly important, they are the base from which we can grow from - as you have showcased in this story with your husband and you trying to not forget the groceries.
Awesome post! Blessings!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-28 14:24
Thanks Claudia, it is also lovely to have someone else in your life who knows and loves those same quirks. Makes for a happy marriage for sure!
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# Tammilee Tips 2016-10-27 19:02
I have to trick myself that same way on a lot of things or I forget everything. I think knowing yourself and how to outsmart yourself is so important!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-28 14:23
Lol, especially the outsmart bit! Honestly, I am like a naughty child half the time.
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# Sidney Aldaine 2016-10-27 16:30
I'm really bad parent to myself. If my life was a child, it would end up with social services.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-27 18:34
Oh no Sidney, I have this picture of this tiny, frightened little being, who needs you. Sending you a big squishy, enveloping hug!
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# Elizabeth O. 2016-10-27 14:25
Self acceptance is something that we all have to learn. It's not always easy to accept ourselves, flaws and all but that's the first step to learning to love ourselves.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-27 18:28
The two go hand in hand, don't they? It has been a long road for me to come to a place of self-acceptance and self-worth. I must say, I am so glad I made the journey.
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# Taria Shondell 2016-10-27 01:24
Great post! I tell my kids that you have to work with your flaws. So, if you are forgetful, make reminders or put things in place to help you not forget.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-27 07:03
What an excellent idea and wonderful to instil in your kids. Good on you, Taria!
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# Ana De- Jesus 2016-10-27 00:22
I tend to turn on myself and criticize everything I have done that I would not consider a success. It is not a healthy trait.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-27 07:02
It is crazy how many of us do that, and no, it is not good for us. In coaching we use reward and consequence to motivate behaviour change, and I find that people respond so much better to appreciation than punishment. It is a much kinder more generous way to be, for sure.
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# Liz Mays 2016-10-26 22:18
It's so important that we're able to handle our own feelings and recognize when we need to change. It takes a lot of practice.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-10-27 06:59
I suspect this is one of those lifelong journeys, Liz, it certainly takes time to get the hang of.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-06-09 19:44
Self-doubt is the most common issue I deal with in coaching. Knowing who you are an what you want is so hard to achieve especially with all the free advice we are given!
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# heidi 2016-06-09 19:35
My biggest problem wasn't knowing myself or my limits. My problem was being told I was wrong. I think it's a hard lesson to learn that being you is enough and how to ignore the outside voices.
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