Monday, 06 May 2013 20:10

The Ups and Downs of Life!

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Compassion is where the sunlight of kindness meets the tears of sadness
and a rainbow is formed.
Akong Tulku Rinpoche

Life certainly has its moments with some undeniably being better than others. Generally speaking the ride up doesn't cause half as much trouble as the down ride, so let's bravely tackle the enormous topic of negative emotions with the hope of bringing sunlight and rainbows into dark places!

I have a teeny problem with much of the wonderful, often uplifting good advice out there. It is fabulous and works brilliantly right up until the moment I have instantaneously transformed into either a seething mass of anger, a quivering wreck or been reduced to nothing but a puddle of tears. At which point, I entirely forget everything useful I have ever heard, or worse, find myself shrieking, sometimes out loud, "HOW exactly am I meant to relax / let go / cheer up / forgive and move on or focus on the positive etc.?"

It's incredibly hard to bear strong emotions without feeling you won't survive the tidal wave of sensations raging through your mind and body. Our instinct to fight or flee is deeply embedded in our neural pathways (or wherever these sorts of deeply embedded things lurk) and it takes practice to change the habits of a lifetime.

Luckily we come equipped with the perfect counter balance, our intelligence. Although there is an unfortunate design fault I should mention: there is a slight delay before it kicks in. This means that if we can buy some time before launching our reactive response into the world, we give our intelligence, our capacity for more mature, reasoned reflection, time to come to the party.

In moments of real danger, our bodies' defences can save our lives. The problem comes in with the long term effect of daily stress which can devastate our health and well being. By slowing our reactions down, we give ourselves time to think more clearly and through that, hopefully make better choices.

The solution is simple, take a deep breath in, exhale and repeat until you feel better! Funnily enough, when our defences are focused on preparing us physically for danger, by voluntarily changing our pattern of breathing, we influence the messages the body is sending to our brain and in that way, change the way we think and feel.

So next time your neck is knotted with tension and your jaw clenched, give it a try. I mean, honestly, how difficult can it be to remember to breathe!

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I'm a Personal Development Life Coach who specialises in L.I.F.E (Living Into your Fullest Expression). Based in Richards Bay, on the East Coast of South Africa, I live with my long-suffering husband, (his description!), two much-loved dogs and care for my elderly father who has Alzheimer's.

Read more about me here.

Comments  

# Klaudia 2017-01-28 18:51
What a wonderful motivating post! I love the quote on top , so much truth in there. Yeah, there is a lot we can change for the better ourselves. It is actually not that difficult if you keep your head cool. I have slowed down enormous the last few years, although I would have never thought of ... after getting used to my 'new calm me' , I feel like "arrived" ... settled. Not much can get me out of balance anymore!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-01-31 07:29
Oh wow, good for you, that is really quite an accomplishment, Klaudia and one more than worth cultivating! II also love the quote at the beginning, it's one of my all time favourites.
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# heidi 2017-01-28 03:55
I feel like you do in so much as we need the moments to feel what we feel you know
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-01-31 07:27
It's funny how it can take a moment to do that. I figure we should know what we are feeling, I mean it is us feeling it, and yet we don't. Definitely one of the mysteries of life for me!
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# Lubka Henry 2016-07-23 22:50
I truly believe that daily stress can be very harmful. It's our duty to be happy and find our happiness in the every day. Although, we can't control everything, we should be able to remove ourselves from certain things if they make us too stressed out or unhappy.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-01-31 07:25
Excellent advice Lubka!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-21 13:37
Sumarie, the world would be very different and probably quite amazing if we could all live like this! What a lovely thought.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-21 13:35
Ana, there are times when it is harder than others and when it's most bumpy, that's when we most need to relax into our current situation. Instead we usually tense up and it makes everything so much harder. Oh, for a magic wand!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-21 13:32
So glad you appreciated the quote at the start, Fatima, it's beautiful and one of my favourites.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-21 13:30
It is hard, Chris and unless we can slow down our instinctive reaction, it's almost impossible to get to the more mature, reasoned response. Lol, at least life gives us lots of practice!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-21 13:28
This is the tragedy of life, Courtney!. We all pretty much know what is best, but man, remembering it in the heat of the moment? Now that's the challenge. The most important thing that coaching does, is focus your attention and remind you until it becomes habit.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-21 13:25
Thanks for stopping by, Annie.
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# Sumarie 2016-07-21 12:38
I wish everyone could have this point of view. The world would be such a better place! If everyone just handles the ups and downs like you!
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# Ana De- Jesus 2016-07-21 10:00
Its so true it can be hard to apply that advice and I should know I get in that state all the time. Riding the wave is difficult.
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# Fatima 2016-07-21 01:20
Really liked the quote with which you started your post, Compassion is where the sunlight of kindness meets the tears of sadness and a rainbow is formed. It's so true!
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# Chris 2016-07-21 00:38
I hate the up's and downs of life, but then again life wouldn't be interesting without them. I think your advice is right even though it's incredibly hard to do sometimes.
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# courtney 2016-07-21 00:27
I often get so caught up and so freaked out by the dips in life but breathing slowly definitely does help. I just need to remember to do it!
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# Annie 2016-07-20 23:45
Nice post! It's so simple, yet uplifting and informative.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-20 20:38
Thanks for the feedback, Ivelisse.
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# Ivelisse 2016-07-20 20:12
I love the way you wrote this post. Very informative!

Love,
Ivelisse | CarnationDreams .com
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-20 18:27
We do, Kerry, thanks for stopping by.
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# Kerry 2016-07-20 16:52
Life certainly is full of ups and downs, we all needs to ride the waves and get through it!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-20 15:42
Lol! That they are, Brian.
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# Brian 2016-07-20 15:37
Yes, like the U2 song, SOME DAYS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS!!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-20 07:35
Glad, I am not the only one, Lizelle!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-20 07:34
This year seems to have been particularly stressful and fast paced, certainly in my circle of clients and friends. I tell you, Elizabeth, a bit of that slowing down would be most welcome in my life at the moment,
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-20 07:31
Lol! That's a good plan, Jessica.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-20 07:13
Nayna, it really does work. I often use breathing at night when my mind id still buzzing with the days activities. Better than a sleeping pill, for sure!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-20 07:11
Well put, Liz, the steadying yourself is so beneficial.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-20 07:10
Nelu, you and me both! Sadly, chronic impatience is my Achilles heel.
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# Lizelle Cruz 2016-07-20 06:03
Yes we all had our moments like this. But breathing does calm down the nerves and tension!!
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# Elizabeth O. 2016-07-20 05:12
Stress is very common these days and it's tough to overcome it. Aside from that there are also times wherein our emotions get the better of us. I think it's important to slow down and breathe for a couple of minutes. Just allow yourself to relax and not worry too much.
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# Jessica 2016-07-20 03:40
Your words are too powerful and enough inspiration. I will never forget to breathe! :)
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# Nayna Kanabar 2016-07-19 23:48
I learn't this in yoga that correct breathing can overcome the worst anxiety and stress
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# Varun 2016-07-19 22:37
The idea behind this is to stay calm in all situations. Its hard but it can be achieved by practice. If you stay calm, you will know how to defend yourself. As a martial artist i always train that way.
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# Liz Mays 2016-07-19 22:19
You're so right. Being able to calm down think through a situation is incredibly helpful. Learning how to breathe to steady yourself helps a lot.
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# Nelu Mbingu 2016-07-19 21:07
I suck at controlling myself in times of anger, so advice like this is what I really need. Thanks for sharing!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-19 19:16
Thanks Marta, it seems ridiculous that breathing can be so powerful, but it really is. Great to hear it is working for you.
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# Marta Nightingale St 2016-07-19 18:49
I totally agree. I've been practising breathing techniques for 3 years now and both the instant and long-term results are amazing. Great post, thank you!
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