Monday, 03 June 2013 20:00

Keeping Balance

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It is not so important whether you walk on water or walk in space.
The true miracle is to walk on earth.
Thich Nhat Hanh

In this funny old life, you can be happily going about your business when something outside of your control happens that completely derails you. Maybe it's an angry customer, a traffic jam, a mistake you made or a hurtful comment from a friend or family member that bursts your happiness bubble. But the bottom line is, our mood goes from happy to upset in the space of a few seconds.

The life we lead in our imaginations is often very different to the reality we experience on the ground. Books, movies, advertising and good old fairy tales have all played a role in creating some pretty universal, but none-the-less unrealistic, expectations about what to expect from life. And who doesn’t want the glossy airbrushed version compared to the rather messy awkward reality we sometimes find ourselves immersed in?

The tricky thing about unrealistic expectations is that they lay the groundwork for feeling awfully disappointed with our lot. We end up unable to enjoy and appreciate the many joys and blessings we have because our minds are so focused on what is wrong, or what is missing from the fairytale version of how it should be.

Restoring the balance in our thinking is a long term project that starts with noticing what is currently happening within us. At the end of the day, spend a few minutes quietly reflecting on your day. Ask yourself, 'Was today a good day or a bad day?'  Jot down your answer and then go through the day in more detail, recalling what went well and what didn’t. Categorize what happened quickly, according to your first response, without thinking too much about it.

You should start to notice that your initial emotional impression is not an accurate assessment of the day. When you look closely with a more mature systematic reflection, you discover that the day was a mixture of good and bad. Keep doing this exercise and gradually your balance will improve. You get better at remembering to respond rather than react. The magic comes when, instead of taking over the world and ruining your day, small irritation stay just that, small.

No matter how bad things are, paying attention to the good things that are already happening just outside your awareness, has got to be one of the best ways to cheer yourself up. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

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Comments  

# Debbie-jean Lemonte 2016-11-21 20:34
This is so true. I used to be that person that would be easily derailed. After a while, I learn that I can't control everything and to just work through the feeling.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-22 05:44
Beautifully put, Debbie-jean. Control has always been my Achilles Heel, learning to leave things be is a lesson I often need reminding of.
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# Enricoh Alfonzo 2016-11-21 11:05
Whistle* can totally relate to something going wrong and derailing your whole day. I'm currently in one of those days, trying my best to stay upbeat and manage the situation. Yes, reflection can be a powerful tool.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-22 05:42
I hope your day improved or at least passed quickly! Hopefully today will be better.
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# Ana 2016-11-21 03:34
Great read! IPresently I'm struggling with work-life balance in my life! Hope to bring my life on track soon!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-22 05:41
Good luck with it, Ana. Those patches can be exhausting if they go on for too long.
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# Jam and Tea 2016-11-20 02:33
This post is kind of in line with keeping a gratitude journal. I agree, our imagined life and real life are totally different. Thanks for sharing!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-20 09:16
It is similar to a gratitude journal, although what I like is that there is space for the crappy bits to be acknowledged as well. At times, that can be very helpful.
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# Claudia 2016-11-20 01:50
I love the idea of a daily review, not only to regain perspective, but to keeping oneself in balance, and at peace. It is an awesome way to end the day. Blessings!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-20 09:15
It really is a lovely way to end the day, I don't always do it, but when I do, I wonder why on earth I don’t do it all the time.
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# Catalina 2016-11-19 23:21
Tania, great post as usual !! Balance for me is one cake in each hand. I am joking :)). Sometimes it`s hard to find my own balance and I am too harsh with myself, and then I think..what`s the point? We only live once !
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-20 09:14
What a superb description Catalina, I am a cookie in each hands girl and I so hear you! Lol, the right balance is enough cookies to feel happy without feeling guilty..
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# DaKyissa 2016-11-18 12:45
Oh gosh, this was such a great post!! I needed a refresher on balance and this hit all the points I needed to hear!
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-18 14:09
Ah, that is lovely to hear!
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# Sheri 2016-11-18 10:39
I love keeping the balance in life it is the only way to stay focused on the positive and good things happening and not dwelling on the bad.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-18 14:09
Even in our darkest moments there can me tiny little good things happening, if we just stop to appreciate them.
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# Dhini 2016-11-18 09:55
Yes! I must hard to keep balance in my life. thanks for sharing

http://dhini.nl
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-18 14:10
You and me both, Dhini!
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# Ma Belle Vie 2016-11-18 05:40
Balance is so important in life
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-18 06:48
It is, isn't it!
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# sajad 2016-11-17 17:44
great post and great information thanks for sharing

those who cannot walk on earth ,cannot walk on moon
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-11-18 06:47
Pleasure, Sajad.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-22 08:55
There is something about getting it out your head and onto paper that is so powerful. With things like anxiety, it's like we have to train ourselves into more productive ways of thinking. That examining of the thoughts, is how we kick ourselves out of fear and back into reality, or the more mature, reasoned way of thinking that I mentioned. Thanks for sharing your experience, Heidi, anxiety is a tough one.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-22 08:51
Life comes in all sizes and flavours. In my opinion, Angie, it's far better for us to be okay with all of it, than to feel anything that goes wrong is a mistake or punishment of some sort.
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# heidi 2016-07-21 23:44
There is a doctor who writes books tho right now I can't remember his name. I have GAD, like many women I think, that's generalized anxiety. He said that when you have negative thoughts to write them down, not voice them and examine it and write down ways you can turn it around. Seems so simple but it really worked for me. Things go wrong but i think when you say it out loud you create your omen. Say you are having a bad day and you will.
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# angie 2016-07-21 21:31
I agree sometimes we do not pay attention to what is going on around us. With every bad thing that comes along look for something that cheers us up as well
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-21 15:39
So true, Erika, the key is balance and doing what we need to do to get more of that.
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# - Soul Sense Coaching 2016-07-21 15:38
That's a good point. Roy, we often under estimate the joy of family in our increasingly busy lives.
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# Erika Ravnsborg 2016-07-21 15:27
The key to all life is Balance. There is so many demands in life but sometimes its best to take a step back and breathe
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# Roy Miller 2016-07-21 14:15
It is very hard to keep balance in your life. There are so many demands on your time. To me, the most important thing is to make time for your family.
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