Oh, the joy of being heard and understood! It’s particularly topical for me living with a father who has Alzhiemer’s. There are so many challenges with dementia and as brain function deteriorates, it becomes increasingly difficult for people with the disease to listen and understand even the simplest sentence.

Conversation becomes a frustrating battleground as the same discussions are repeated over and over, well for one of you, at least. Of course, the person with Alzheimer’s has no recollection of this topic being discussed before.

Two things happened recently that really brought home just how powerful listening can be. The first conversation was with a friend. We met for coffee and while catching up on each others lives, I shared some of the teeth-grinding difficulties Alzhiemer’s presents.

The friend responded by reminding me that getting cross with an Alzhiemer’s patient for forgetting, is like being cross with a blind person for not being able to see. A brilliant analogy, but one that left me feeling even worse about the numerous times I fail to be patient.

The second conversation happened spontaneously. Colt and I were at the vet, We were waiting for eye drops to dye Colt’s eye’s green so the vet could see if the eye infection was ulcerous. It wasn’t, but man a greened-eyed Colt is something to see!

While waiting, we discussed our Christmas holidays and I mentioned my father has Alzheimer’s. It turns out the vet’s mom has vascular dementia. I was talking to someone who gets it, he knows how hard it is. A few minutes of shared experience was like stumbling upon an oasis in the desert. He gave no advice and yet I came away feeling strengthened and inspired to keep going.

This is the power of listening. When we meet someone where they are, without advice and judgement, we give them the gift of understanding and of love. It is this that allows us to 'unfold and expand'. It’s a lesson I hope will change me for the better.

There are so many rules about how to be a good listener but one that stands out for me is connection. Finding a way to connect to what the other person is saying, in a way that touches us, has such a powerful impact. Oh, and get used to being uncomfortable, hearing what is being said without flinching, inwardly or outwardly, takes tremendous courage.

As we start 2017, be the person who holds the space of listening. It’s one of the greatest acts of kindness we can offer others.